entry 52
It is a story of Josna, her twelve-year-old boy, Lohit, who was one and half year younger to her sister. Komal took birth as a premature and weighed only 1200gms. Even the doctors did not guarantee her survival and told to rely more upon the miracle of God than on the medical sciences. Where there is faith there is a miracle. The gentleman, whom in future she would address as Grandpa, was not happy at all. Might be he was expecting a healthy baby but after seeing that tiny little creature (yet a miracle of nature) he revealed his real self while uttering the coldest of words to Rajesh, the brother of the Josna who gave birth to that beautiful being and was continuously praying for the betterment of the baby. He told Rajesh of throwing her away. No one knows whether he literally meant his saying or uttered those words to project his displeasure. Rajesh a sensible, matured and well-educated man humbly replied, “Uncle, this girl will be going to serve you during your old age. She gonna look after you and will provide hand baked meals to you”.
The baby girl survived but as she grew up she had developed hearing ailment due to which her pronunciation also got affected. As a person first listen then grasp it and does necessary action utilizing the pre-gained vocabulary. But the words that she heard was little different from what others usually hear. It was not her fault neither her mother’s. But who cares for logic as any bad thing that happens to a person is in an instant linked back to the previous year Karma and black magic that has been cursed upon by some neighbor, with whom one doesn’t has very cordial relationship or a witch who most of the times happens to be a lady, a defamed one.
2009
Thirteen and half year after her birth, a lot has changed in the universe. Its been nine years since they lost their father and six since their grandmother. Though both of them have gained such conscience that they can now understand that their father and grandmother have died and their departure was not confined to mere “Bhagwan ke pass chale gaye” words, grew up in as a sensible children and were not very demanding still they had to mature and interact with the corrupt spirit and guilt.
The best part or some might say bane of being a child who still hasn’t lost innocence is that no matter how worst the times are, for them the world is a small little place full of adventures, miracles, to play hide and seek and have a lot of fun. All the trauma Josna faced and emotional turmoil she was going through, they were all but unaware.
The way a person is not born criminal and society have its contribution in the making, in the same manner behind every psychologically ill person there is societal pathogen. It's not a blame but fact.
Josna, a brave lady was ready to take the life the way it was thrown at her. She had questions that boomeranged inside the mind which only God might have answered. She was brave and determined enough to keep those queries on hold and lead a healthy life. She wrote a couple of letters to the head of a spiritual organization, she had followed since childhood. They replied and their replies were quite soothing. Instead of keep on mourning and cursing, she opted for stability, accepted the prevailing situation as a fact of life and moved on. But the societal pathogens kept on their ferocious attack on her will.
How could those sarcastic sympathies not cause harm? In General, majority of people only gets sympathetic and overflowed teary eyes when they see a melodramatic story of reality show contestant with sorrowful background music score. In real life, they are so cold and without caring about others emotions, just focuses on self-enhancement. What is the fun in that fun which is caused by making fun of others misery?
It was a prevailing February winter night, time could be around in between seven and eight. The ambiance of their home used to remain melancholic all the times. As they say, the energy does influence the surroundings, negative energy was all that was flowing through the walls. Lohit, now a sixth standard student started looking for her mother but couldn’t find. He enquired about the whereabouts from Grandfather but found nothing. Elder sister Komal went along with him to the neighboring home in a conjecture to find her. They went to each home they hoped of finding her there. After getting no clue, they returned home. He got a very foul thought that she might have committed suicide jumping off the rooftop. He started rushing along each side, focusing the NOKIA 1600 torch and glancing downward. Heart rate pounding, after doing a whole round, was a little relieved but at the same moment anxiously thought that she might have left the home because of Grandpa’s often harsh wordings. Till his son and wife were alive he always talked sweetly but after their demise though he kept his cold stance but was broke inside. So sometimes he used to shed his frustration through harsh words and accused her previous year Karma that led to such condition of this family. Lohit rushed to the rooftop and started shouting Mother! Mother! Mother!, in the hope that she might hear his voice and return home. And the miracle happened, she hears his cries and returned home. Both the brother and sister cried their heart out by hugging her. She kissed foreheads, swept the tears rolling over their cheeks and pampered them as a mother does to her newly born child. Even the universe gets destroyed, till the moment they had her, they simply didn’t care, nothing else mattered. She told them that she had gone to house located little farther for some urgent work. The validity of former claim many a time haunted Lohit to inquire about the truth but he gave quest in order to not revive the feelings of that unforgettable night.
There was no one who could tell them that all the turmoil she was going through, all those insomniac nights, no matter how happy the occasion was there was no jolly feel, was nothing else but a psychological issue. The talks of people, harsh remarks of father-in-law, the thought of how would she be able to marry her daughter led to sliding into melancholia. And instead of providing assistance, they all used their ever-rumor-spreading-loving tongue to declare her state of mind little insane. Their talks render deeper wounds than a physical injury. A physical wound heals with time but an emotional injury only gets worse day after day. No doubt! they visited their home, not with an intention to be a little ray of hope in the declining life but only to create more anxiety. Instead of recommending any good psychiatrist, they enlisted the name of reputed witch doctors, who could eliminate witchcraft and heal. No doubt she was well educated and with a mentality way ahead of the society, still she fell into the gyre because she wanted to live a peaceful life along with her children and visiting the witch doctor felt like the only life saving available option.
Each witch doctor provided a different solution, a different potion, a different incense material and blamed a different house who was casting black spells over their home and a different ancestor whose evil spirit which was confined to their home that had caused and was causing all the penuries they faced. Once when Lohit’s grandma was sick, a Godman came to their home who further intimidated the inhabitants by revealing them the reason for the penury being a poltergeist* which resides on the land on which the house was built. Though all of them followed the same approach but still the unequivocal differences made one thing very clear that all were doing one thing, creating loads of money by using shenanigans over the grief-stricken state of people, who are in search of tranquility. They make use of people’s superstitious faith, channelize it to their own benefit and succeed in creating a rift and apprehensive attitude among people.
*evil spirit (In story’s context)
Despite being making no progress, she decided to restore and firm faith in the supreme soul. The condition deteriorated way further that at one point she was on the verge of collapsing and tried to commit suicide by electrocuting herself and Komal. Her lucidity became so blur that she thought that Lohit would do well in life on his own. Only God knows that how come on that could be a very unfortunate day the electron didn’t transpire through their bodies as she grabbed wire in right and daughter in her left hand. That moment felt like a real magic experience as her mind provided no logic for that awakening happening. It was all magical which inspired Josna to live again, not for self but for Komal and Lohit. It was not less than a miracle which helped her to restore her faith in God. That day she prayed and wept, requesting God to show her the right path. She got more courageous and breaking the taboo and with IDGAF attitude went to the psychiatrist of whom her brother Rajesh had suggested.
Just after the very first dose, she felt the relief and got a sleep which she longed for and not had since ages. Life started seeming more happening and as an opportunity to achieve the purpose. She understood one thing that it got nothing to do with witchcraft or evil spirit but a curable psychological state clinically termed as depression. Instead of opting for denial mode to appease the society, accepted the fact that she was suffering from depression and started remaining optimistic about the curability. The more she accepted her ailment, the more swiftly she got well. Soon she conquered over the despair and became the most sanguine person one could ever meet.
Josna at present is pursuing her doctorate in sociology. Her both children are faring well in life as the biggest source of inspiration that they have and looked upon is their mother’s inspiring life. When her son completed his graduation she earned the graduation tag during the same session via open learning university. Afterward did masters in sociology. She found her purpose of life and looked towards the downs as an opportunity for growth. Her own life story now seems like a magic which earlier felt like filled with darkness.
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EPILOGUE
The worst thing about a depression is that the person suffering through it is most of the times unaware of the fact of being in a depressive state. The thought of almost every deadliest disease circulate in the mind but accepting a psychological disorder seems like a far grave sin. It gets more gruesome when society declares that person insane. Its clichéd but have to say mental health problem is still a taboo and seen as a stigma in our so-called progressive society. Albeit it has been recommended in our constitution to develop scientific temper among the citizens but still no forward initiative has been made apart from educating the current generation, forgetting that older generation also constitute the major chunk of our population. And the family environment has a much larger impact over developing the mindset of a person rather than the education and society have. There are still a vast majority of minds that still thinks about the injury or a headache that they are suffering has been caused by some other person’s black spell. There is a lot of distrust and fakeness in society. The story that I narrated, in the beginning, was of a family who also thought the same way. But instead of vowing to the industry of witchcraft, they opted for rationalism which led to enlightenment. But the life could have become more detrimental if they had kept on falling deep down the gorge.
The land we belong to is a cradle of spirituality. Many great saints and sages have been guiding mankind to give up superstitious thoughts and customs which causes deterioration of humanity but still, there is ample amount of tenebrosity among the vast population. Magic is inspiring which serve as a source of edification, not black which hinders advancement.
- #RAJJEकराखड़DE
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