The worst about failure

 entry 65

September  9, 2020

This year started with a ray of hope, as usually every year does, that this year I’ll be realizing my dream, this year I’ll turn my persistence to pay all the dues, and that this year I’ll be bringing the happiest moment in my mother's life. I’m a believer in dreams and I dare you that I’ll prove you wrong if you ever doubted my worth. Each one is aware of one’s worth and makes efforts in order to earn admiration. You have seen your fellow men succeed and you know that you are no less than them. You do envy them for a little, then everything becomes as usual and but yes you do solidify your belief of achieving the desire by self-suggestion that if they can, you can. There are no absolutes, only relatives and I dare if some questions this essay’s morality on comparison bias. No matter how personal our goals are, they are inspired via relativity. The worst thing of all failure isn’t the pain inflicted by the result but the thought of again failing on the expectations of well-wishers, who really want you to succeed but damn no matter how hard you have trained and tried it always felt short of the demanded parameters. Every time you go there you are a more refined personality but apart from superficial appreciation nothing happens.

 The pain is excruciating when you are being, directly or indirectly, told that shift your focus and efforts to other domain, like they are mocking that it’s not your cup of tea. Bloody hell! You being adamant and in the knowledge of your potential don’t ever believe that shit. They are the ones who once rejected many declaring them being incompetent, at present sing paeans for their achievements as if they played a crucial role in their reckoning. You expect us not to be hackneyed but all you do is recite the same old stories time and again. C’mon show some respect to our perseverance and come up with something afresh if you expect the same from us. There is a rage and a burden of failure which is piling up and up ever since I started making efforts to achieve. Why the hell you don’t understand that the passion to serve the nation is the purest form of thought that originated from the core and not just some other cliché.  That knitting stories isn’t my forte, all I talk is the truth all I present is workmanship and able leadership. I swear to my mother even if I know how to fake I won’t be able to do so.

I accept the fact that I might not be able to present my real potential being the reason for my continuous failure but what if the one accessing isn’t able to catch what we truly are and remain busy analyzing us over the set parameters.

Tears come, oozes and evaporate depicting the inability to change the status. There is a hidden fire in you which only gets ignited when you don’t get what you truly deserve. Fan that fire to bring justice to your efforts. It’s not like that I want to prove my worth to others which is adding to the desperation but the fight to prove worth to self.

-        -  mustaqbil