Ain't no #Loser

2016
कभी-२ सोचता हूँ छोड़ के सब पिछे, दौड़ जाऊँ अपनी मंजिल की और, माँ तो बिना किसी छीकन से कह देतीं हैं कि, "बेटा जा तूँ, हमारी चिंता ना कर। जिंदगी एक बार मिलती है, कर ले सारे सपने पूरे । यही उम्र है कुछ करने की कुछ बनने की ।"
पर माँ इतना भी खुदगर्ज़ नहीं जिसे यह समझ ना आए कि उसके सपने किसी और की बजह से नहीं ब्लकि उसकी माँ की बजह से हैं। अब बजह को पिछे छोड़ ख्वाब को कोई कैसे पा सकता है।
My Dreams are Bigger, responsibilities are Bigger too. And don't have guts to choose one over other. So i got to do justice with both. How the hell i can leave them at a time when they need me the most.
Suffering are not the one which discourage me any further as i have developed compassion for them. Happiness doesn't lure me now or is some kind of sweat which i never got a chance to taste. Earlier i used to search for a little fun whether while playing game of Marvels (कंच्चे) or at school with friends but while growing up i realised that i don't have that appetite for joy anymore.  Not trying to portray myself being depressed one, all i mean is that i have stopped chasing Happiness, if I'm worthy ,it will definately find a way to reach me. I must chase Dreams and if joy comes as bonus with it ,its okey.  If don't that doesn't bother anymore. In act of expressing thoughts i always fail majority of time.

Sky is embroidered with stars,
some are big some are small,
still they all are too far, that far,
if one embark journey
might not turn back.
Death isn't something which I afraid.
But
वो मौत ही क्या जिसका गैरों को गम ना हो ।
Today if i die. मेरी माँ और बहन को छोड़ किसी को कोई फर्क नहीं पड़ेगा। कुछ शुभचिंतक आएँगे राख बनाकर, माँ बहन को दिलासा दे, थोड़े पैसे हाथ में थमा चले जाएँगे।माँ खाना खाना तो क्या शायद बना ही ना पाएगी, बहन को मेरी सबसे ज्यादा याद आएगी, शायद जिंदगी दोनों की जीते जी नरक बन जाएगी। In simple words they have faced alot and i can't worse it, not saying that i will give up . Just shifting focus on to first secure them, whenever i will feel sure that it's the Time, i will start my journey, will start dribbling forward. Giving full efforts matters alot Winning loosing not ठानी तो है इतनी पक्की कि मौत भी पास आने से शरमाएगी, जब तक खुद उसे बाहें फैलाए ना अपनाऊंगा। Responsibilities are not burden,they just help one to stay focused and at the same time evolve. They also check at every step ones Passion. Don't run from them, do full justice. Life is full of risk but how can i risk others life for my own sake. Not playing safer just handling responsibly. खाने से जितनी देर दूर रहोगे, भूख उतनी ज्यादा बड़ेगी। या तो मर जाना , या ख्वाब पाकर जाना। यार
a person who lived her entire life in service of others, in childhood taking care of her ailing mother, fighting against odds to complete her education, then coming to new home,obeying orders, stay awake whole night in hospitals beside her husband to check the level of bottles of blood and glucose, after being left alone by her soul mate immediately reporting in service of in-laws, mother who gave up will to live after loosing her son . Fighting depression,going inches close to Death then choosing life by thinking that she got to live not for herself but for two gems. Even tolerating abuse which no one would have willed to bark if her husband was alive or if her son was strong enough at that time. How the hell i can leave that person, isn't it my responsibility to bring little happiness in her life, to make her proud that all her suffering have been rewarded. Isn't its his son's responsibility to buy her some amazing jewellery which she sold for others sake.
I'm not making excuse nor do i want any sympathy , all i want to tell,
                     I ain't no #Loser